136.9

on Saturday July 6th. I haven’t been eating much. I mostly haven’t been hungry. I haven’t been exercising at all except for cleaning the house. Down a fair bit from 144.2 on June 23rd & from 138.9 two days before on June 4th.

I know it’s lower than many people would advise but daily calorie intake has looked basically like this:

316

450

744

662

402

with some days of not having anything but a cup of almond milk in the morning (about 30 cals) & some tequila in the evening.

I feel worried. I feel anxious all of the time, with some exceptions like when I am talking to certain people on the phone. I feel like I am fucking up & wasting my life & I’ll look back on it & wish I’d been braver, that I’d taken control.

I body check constantly. I pull up my shirt & look at the stomach every time I have privacy & am in front of a mirror. I feel my collarbones constantly, playing with them with my fingers, to see if they are becoming more prominent. When I lay down I feel my hipbones. I put my fingers around my wrists & try to tell if they are getting any smaller.

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